TiMe

Time passes by with every step you take.  It never comes, but always goes and once it's gone, it's gone.  So it is of the essence to make it count.  Tell someone you love them before their time is gone and it's too late.  Live your life and appreciate every minute you have because you will always have the chance to repeat and redo many things in your life, but you will NEVER have that exact moment to do it again.  It is gone like the wind in the air.  It passes by unseen, graceful and uninterrupted, but is felt and recognized once it's passed.  Time is precious yet unforgiving so acknowledge it, enjoy it and live in it!

SCREAM!!!

Sometimes I just want to SCREAM!!!  My life isn't perfect and I get that, but fuck, at least I'm trying.  I'm sorry I don't have the financial stability that you do. I am sorry that I can't just do what I please or buy what I want.  Some of us have struggles.  Do you know what struggles are?  Well I do.  I live with struggles daily, but does that make me less human?  No!  In fact it probably makes me stronger than you.  I know how to survive without the fancy smancy shit.  I know how to survive with the bare essentials (and sometimes not even that).  Moreover, I have more struggles than just finances.  Can you imagine that?  Probably not.  My struggles don't end with the inability to go on a trip or to be unable to buy a LV purse.  Aint that some ish!  I actually have real problems in life, just like so many others.  I use to compare myself to you and others like you who had a good life, but realized that only drug my self-esteem down.  I can't compare myself to people who aren't of the majority view.  It used to make me cry, but now I just want to SCREAM!  My life is this.  Yes I struggle to make ends meet.  Yes sometimes my marriage is pretty fucked up.  Yes my growing up was nothing but different, but in the end, it is all what makes me ME.  It's my life and I'm grateful for what I have.  It took me a long time to learn that envy was the devil, but now I know.  So stop making me feel like SHIT and just realize, my life is not like yours cause you are seriously making me want to SCREAM!!!!!

PRIDE

Pride is a devil that lives inside us all.  Most people are able to control it, but I am not one of the lucky ones. I let my pride get the best of me.  It chews me up, spits me out and when I look around, I've ruined it all.  All because of PRIDE.  Why can't I ever just back down?  Why is it that I need the last word and always be right?  Because of gosh darn PRIDE.  Pride you make me my own worse enemy.  I wish I could make you disappear for all eternity so that you would stop ruining things.  Too bad PRIDE doesn't have control over itself.  In fact I have control over my PRIDE, but still can't push it away.  Instead I use pride to push all that is good away from me.  In a perfect world Pride would be my friend.  We would be able to co-habitat and respect one another.  I really need to grow some and let my pride go so I can move on and forward with my life.  So in my last attempt here it goes:
"Hello GOD?  Are you there?  Can you hear me?  I really need your help.  I am self-destructing do to my pride and I need help.  I truly need to learn to let things go, to back down and to turn the other cheek.  I tried helping myself, but sometimes we all need to call on someone.  GOD, I'm calling on you.  HELP PLEASE."

Love

Love is an indescribable feeling that truly cannot be expressed in words.  It's a bag of emotions bottled up in the pit of your stomach that is felt when you have found the person that makes your life make sense.  It cannot be predicted and cannot be planned, but is something that just happens.  It is more than feelings, but becomes a thing of need.  You no longer just want to be with someone, but you NEED to be with someone.  
Love is invisible to the naked eye, but very apparent to the heart and soul.  It is unpredictable in many ways.  Sometimes when we are searching for it and waiting for it, it doesn't come, but when we least expect it, it appears brighter than a summer day.  It creates a bond that cannot be compared, but feels completely natural.  Many times it lingers even after the person is gone because your love for that person has become a part of you.
True love is a feeling that never leaves you and as long as you follow it, it will always point you in the right direction and lead you to eternal bliss.

Life as You KNOW it

So my life is not perfect and I doubt yours is, but that doesn't mean I have to sulk around shouting, "MY LIFE SUCKS!"  This is something that I did for years.  I always thought of way to play the victim.  I thought of ways that made me life SUCK.  I looked at the bad in everything, even when there was good.  I compared my life to that of others, which only made me hate my life more.  The truth is, no one's life is perfect all the time.  No one's life behind closed doors and being the facade that they put up is just how they planned it.  Of course there are probably the rare, rare minority who are truly, happy with their life 100% of the time, but again that's the minority.  I used to bash myself a lot.  I used to make myself feel like crap.  I felt unworthy and useless, but then I had a voice in my head (aka The Husband) who reminded me of how much my life doesn't suck.  Sure I'm 30, married with a child, still living at home while I continue to go to school to chance who knows what dream this time, but that doesn't mean everything is bad.  My husband and I are different. SHIT...thank god.  I couldn't imagine being married to an A type bitch like myself.  Oh, the horror. I haven't had the best upbringing, but then again, its been a lot better than most.  I had some shitty stuff happen to me along my unplanned road of life, but who doesn't.  

Bottom line is that we all may come to a time when we question our life and our value in our lives, but we cannot always focus on the dreams you didn't reach, the goals that you didn't achieve, the house you didn't get, the job you were turned down from or the 6 pack abs that you still haven't developed.  Instead, take a step back  from your life and look at everything you have done.  Look at all the accomplishments you have had.  Look at all the people you have made an influence on.  Look at all the people who love you for being you.  

I used to consider myself some what "smart", but the day my husband told me that I think everything in my life sucks is the day I realized really how stupid and ignorant I was.  It takes just a minute for me to continue to name all the great things that I have in my life and have done in my life.  Sure society probably labels me as "unsuccessful" for the simple fact that I still live at home, because I dropped at of law school or because I am 30 years old going back to school instead of working and helping to support my family.  But you know what I say, "FUCK IT".  You only live once and this is my time to live.  I can no longer judge my value as a person based on statistically mumbo-jumbo.  I can only judge my life by what I consider a success.  Until a few days ago, I would say my life was pure shit; however, today I declare that my life is great.  I have a beautiful, intelligent daughter who loves me and worships me (and is a little fashionista, DIVA), I have a husband who despite my lack of emotional empathy towards him, loves me with all his heart and is willing to stand by me through all my bullshit and shenanigans that I put him through, I have an education and am furthering my education.  I make lifetime friends who love me and trust me.  I impact people's lives in the littlest ways.  

So while I can say my life sucks because I am in a shit load of student debt and because I barely have money to wipe my own ass, let alone my kid's ass, I can say that my life is good.  As a wise man once told me (aka The Husband):  My life sucks only if I make it suck.  

So out with the bad and in with the good....let's see how long this positivity train last....(I'm hoping it last for awhile)

Simplicity

If simplicity is bliss, then why is it that we strive to have the best?  Why do we always end up trying to make our lives more complicated than necessary?  Maybe simplicity is bliss because it is harder to achieve.  Trying to be simplistic and accepting simplicity seems to be contrary to the dreams and goals most of us set for ourselves.  Yet, if we could find a way to be happy and grateful for having family, friends, a home, food and water, then anything that is above and beyond would make us ecstatic.  Maybe we all should try to lower our standards for what would make us happy because only then can we truly be grateful for those "little" things that are already in our lives that we tend to ignore and take for granted.  

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time I had a plan.  I thought I had my whole life all figured out.  My life made sense and a purpose.  Then one day it all turned upside down.  My "plan" was no longer.  I blinked for a second and found myself married, with a child and dropping out of law school.  Everything I prized myself about doing in life had changed.  My priorities had changed and without recognition.  It wasn't until I was in law school did I realize that the girl who wanted to once be an attorney, was now a mother and a wife who just wanted to make sure she did the best job she could at being a mom.  My new goal in life was to raise this amazing little girl into a dignified person of society and ensure that she has all the things that I lacked as a child, especially, a mother and a father.  For a long time, I thought without my "plan" I could not have a happily ever after; however, I now realize that my "plan" was no plan at all.  It was a path that I laid before me, but the true, unknown road, was designed for me by the man up above way before I even knew it.  He has created a plan and a road for me, that only now am I truly understanding and accepting.  His plan proved the better road because it created my beautiful love of my life, my daughter.  Although right now I don't know where he plans to lead me, I realize that my life did not follow the "once upon a time" I originally planned, but definitely can have a "happily ever after".